Thursday, December 19, 2013

FUCK YOU AND DIE

WE LOST HIM. WE FUCKING LOST HIM. CARTER, WAS THIS YOUR PEOPLE? FIFTY SOMETHING ARMED TO THE FUCKING TEETH COMMANDO FUCKERS WITH SOME KIND OF ARMORED BULLDOZ...

FUCK YOU GUYS. JUST. FUCK YOU.

But listen. Whoever you idiots are. You FUCKED UP. It won't take... Oh... ANY TIME AT ALL FOR REDLIGHT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You can be fucking sure, he is going to LEAP AT THIS CHANCE. As a result, the Attendants are kind of pissed. About nine of them are just standing around here TORTURING US ONE BY ONE, while another twenty or so are standing around staring into blank space. Probably trying to find you assholes the old fashioned way.

... As I understand it. When they find you, and they WILL find you, they will poof themselves and us over there to personally massacre every single one of you...

To the rest of you. An explanation. So. About thirty of my fellow vessels were doing our patrol thing. Meanwhile the Attendants were busy elsewhere watching for attempts from Redlight to poof himself next to Dr. Marsh and poof out. My team meanwhile had their thumbs up their asses, as per usual. I myself, was watching Paint Dry. Dark Green edition. Very riveting. Good production quality. Could almost reach out and touch the paint chips. But as I was watching the climax of this performance, I heard a crash and saw... What I did not recognize immediately as a cheap joke directed towards ME YOU SONS OF BITCHES... An Armored Bulldozer designed to kill things. A "Killdozer" if you will. Ha Ha HA HA. Fucking HA. SEE ME LAUGHING? DO YOU, YOU CHEAP EXCUSES FOR THE EXPENDABLES? Oh right. We killed most of you. Oops. Heheheh.

Anywho... So a Bulldozer drove in and smashed two of us into a fine paste. Then a bunch of black armored commando types came storming in with their smoke grenades and assault rifles. I made a point to send the Team into a nice protective Labyrinth, just to be on the safe side. Naturally the guns were... Laughably useless. It wasn't until they busted out THE FLAMETHROWERS that we had an issue. They slowly began to take us down faster than we could regenerate. Some heavyset commando and his two buddies took me down with a flamethrower and a couple grenades. Took me a few minutes to reform from that, but when I did...

I have just been informed that we have identified one of the attackers. The heavyset man with the flamethrower. I am... Almost embarrassed to type this... Um... He... You know what, it... It really doesn't matter.

So. When I came back to consciousness with my body intact, I found Dad here disassembling one of us... Painfully... While Uriel was explaining to us what the fuck just happened. Commandos came in, kicked our ass, and took off with Proxy Bob, AKA Echo, AKA Dr. Marsh, AKA THE CHOSEN SACRIFICE TO THE IMPRISONED ONE.

It's not really our fault. Redlight isn't crazy enough to try something like THAT against us. Nevermind that it worked. It was AN IDIOT PLAN. CHARGE STRAIGHT IN AT THE IMMORTAL GUYS? And they PAID for it. I hear only about four of them got away. Counting Roland, the fat son of a bitch. We killed the Killdozer. I mean... This wasn't supposed to happen. How could this have happened? GOD LOOK AT ME, I AM STRESS EATING AGAIN. But if Redlight finds them before we do... No. No No nonononononononononononno. No. No No NO. He WON'T. He Can't.

... We'll all burn. Every one of us. Burning alive. Choking on the smoke as it STRANGLES US. Chained and marching through a desert of ASH and shattered BONES... No. No that is NOT MY FUTURE. Oh No...

They'll find them. We will have blood. We will have our sacrifice back. I'll throw him into the Quiet myself. Feed that abomination within...

UPDATE: I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT. WE FOUND OUT WHO THEY ARE. THE GODDAMN PARANORMAL TERMINATION CONSORTIUM! Yeah. Remember them? I barely do. Those SCP Foundation wannabes, with all the military grade shit. I really thought we wiped their stupid asses out... Well. Second Time is the charm. Fucking PTC assholes. They can't run and they can't hide. The Attendants are looking for them... Which, of course, means they aren't busy blocking Redlight from coming in. So let me make this clear to you... If any of you are reading this. Obliteration is coming. Either by us, or by HIM. Run. Run as far and fast as you can. Because are we going to hunt you down and butcher you like the brainless livestock that you are. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. The Angels are descending. White feathers drenched in black. Yellow Eyes shining in the night. A thousand writhing serpents in the air. HungyhungryhungryhungryhungryhungryHungyhungryhungryhungryhungryhungryHungyhungryhungryhungryhungryhungryHungyhungryhungryhungryhungryhungryHungyhungryhungryhungryhungryhungry

So hungry.

9 comments:

  1. Oh my god this is hilarious. The almighty Samael had his ass kicked. And now you're freaking out over some organisation that is clearly way more capable than you. You should be thankful it was them and not Redlight.

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    Replies
    1. Samael. Was Elsewhere. The Blame is Mine. Is Ours. We are to blame. We have failed them. The Punishment is ours.

      We killed them before. Redlight will do far worse. The Sacrifice will be his if the Attendants cannot find it.

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    2. Except you /didn't/ kill them, did you?

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    3. That you didn't kill. Say it. Say ittt.

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    4. Look out guys, he's got a thesaurus.

      Delete
  2. Dude, quit fucking around and get the job done. From your reputation I'd expected you to be competent enough to deal with a ram-raid.

    Can't get over how much you people suck.

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    Replies
    1. That's hardly fair Lovett. No ones ready for the Killdozer Flamethrower inquisition. No one.

      Delete