Thursday, October 24, 2013

Back from Hiatus

Well. That was an adventure. SORRY EVERYONE. Had some... Important debugging to take care of. Seems we missed a Redlit... My GOD they are like RABBITS. I am in the mood for some rabbit. Or Buffalo. I LOVE Buffalo. There was this one place in town that sold these weird exotic foods. Rattlesnake, buffalo, eagle and... Shit like that. Birth Mother and Suited Jackass would never take me there obviously. Didn't want me out of the house. Didn't want me in public. Didn't want me to continue EXISTING. HAHAHA. Ah. I wish I could kill them all over again. I was so sloppy back then. I had NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING. Imagine what I could do today. MAN the looks on their faces... OR WHAT WOULD BE FUCKING LEFT OF THEM WHEN I AM DONE WITH THEM... Sweet Dreams. Such sweet dreams.

Tangent aside. I have a very important question for a couple important readers. WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE???? THIS NOTE YOU LEFT ME EXPLAINS JACK SHIT. I have only been gone... A bit less than a Month. SCREAMER, GLEEMAN. ANYONE. FUCKING ANSWER ME HERE. Mmmm. Well at least I know Redlight doesn't have them. I would know if he did, because MAN his reaction is going to be priceless. He flips the fuck out so easy, but THIS is going to be a new level of explosiveness.

Been a nice trip down memory lane. Long story though, won't bore anyone with the details. Became a one monster Anti-Virus for our good friend the Newborn. Heheheheheh. They told me that it might knock a few screws loose and... Undo all the tightening Valtiel has done. SO DADDY is going to come by and fix me up I think. Soon I guess. Maybe now? Nope. Just checked. Not there. Oh well, I will wait. Here. Alone. BECAUSE YOU SONS OF BITCHES LEFT WITHOUT FUCKING TELLING ME WHERE YOU ARE GOING!!!

And telling me "Dealing with Morgan Stuff" is NOT A LOCATION. It is a Hobby. A Pass Time, if you will. A favorite of mine in fact. But here's the thing. Since I am POSITIVE Screamer is behind this disappearance, let me just REMIND YOU ALL THAT SCREAMER IS NOT AT 100%, AND IS IN FACT KIND OF USELESS RIGHT NOW. Morgan is big old Teddy Bear of Rape, but that doesn't mean he isn't DANGEROUS. So. Kindly return to base, huh guys? Please? I get lonely easily. And bored. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GET BORED, AND I DON'T HAVE SAGEY, MISHY OR LAINEY TO TAKE MY... Huh. Elaine. That was so weird. I wonder what Elaine would think of this whole mess. I mean. Spencer IS currently the biggest threat to peace and sanity in the world right now. It's... Weird. I really wish Elaine was still around.

Hmmm. Samael would you please hurry up. My head is... Not in a good place right now. Actually... It's in a pretty bad place all things considered... Hurry?

Teresa and Daniel. Daniel and Teresa. Mommy and Daddy. Locked in the cellar for days. All that darkness. It was... Frightening at first you know? But then, when they came back and made me come out, I realized how much better it was down there away from them. Away from everyone. Why didn't they kill me? I have always wondered that. They hated me. I have no idea why. Maybe they were just insane? I am insane right? That is what everyone says, so maybe they were too? Some little joke on their part. My name. Luke of the Cyphre family. Unluckiest last name in the world, and no one in our family's history would dare name their kid anything that sounds remotely similar to Lou. No Luke, Lucas, Lucius, Lucien, Louis, Louie, Luis, or anything with an L. So they must have known from the get go that I would be EVIL. So why have me? Why not just DROWN ME in a river somewhere? But they didn't. They fed me enough to survive, clothed me enough to survive. Why? They are insane. Of course they never had any problems with my brother. They loved him. And he loved ME. So why didn't they? They call ME insane, but I am not THAT insane. Maybe the beatings satisfied them. But no. That isn't it. They stopped short of doing any permanent damage. Hindsight. HAHAHAHAHA. I HAVE DONE WORSE TO SO MANY OTHERS. They WERE holding back, but why? Not out of love. Hate. Hate. And the neighbors didn't care, and the preacher didn't care, and the teacher didn't care. But the entire town didn't hate me? No they just didn't care. But what if they did hate me? What about me is so... Hateable? What about me WAS so hateable? Why? Why? WHY? Never could kill me though. Never really tried. Always stopped. Always reacted with such hate and fear after slicing into me, even as I was choking on the tight ropes around my neck... What STOPPED THEM? WHAT IN GODS NAME STOPPED THEM? WHY AM I STILL ALIVE, WHY AM I STILL ALIVE? WHY... Because... What. Wait. If... But... But. That isn't... No. No No No No. That can't be... But what if it is and what if I was... He couldn't have but... No he could have but he wouldn't... No. No NO. NO NO NO NONONONONO. He HAS BEFORE. With SPENCER.

But this couldn't

Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Battle is Won

But the War goes on...

So. EVIDENTALLY. Nightscream stayed behind to INFILTRATE Legba's Pirates. Pretending to be one of his Slaves. Zombies, if you couldn't guess. I will let Screamer recap on it's own blog, so feel free to mock it's stupidity and recklessness over here.

So, the Second Attack on Legba's Pirates went... Well enough. Samael gave us Pale Men to use in the battle, and they made of tougher stuff than me. Less versatile though. Creepy Fucks too. But they get the job done... Doesn't mean they don't freak me out when I stumble onto them clustered up and sleeping on the CEILINGS like fucking BATS. I never realized that those coats they wear, aren't really coats. Ugh...

Proxy Bob was having all sorts of flashbacks. I was almost concerned he was De-Hallowing himself at the sight of the Pale Men. Poor Poor Dr. Marsh. You know, it occurs to me that he is basically a Zombie. Like. One of Legba's zombies. A bit more independent, but... He eats when I tell him to, sleeps when and where I tell him to, he kills what I tell him to, he tortures, he maims... And he can't even scream or cry unless I give him permission to. Haven't really let him out of the cage of his mind lately... I wonder what his mental state is. I tried a little while back, but he clammed up. Didn't want to give me the pleasure of seeing him utterly broken... Still need to find his old Buddy Roland. Don't think he is dead yet, but I have no idea where he is... Ah... Maybe when we have some down time.

But right. The attack. The first one left Legba's ship in BAD shape. We actually underestimated the damage we did. When we finally found it, they had made port on some fucking island and had set up a makeshift Fort. Heh. The benefits of having a labor force that lacks the mental capacity to complain, and is physically incapable of disobeying orders. We parked our fucking boats on the other side of the island. We decided to attack them from the trees... Hoping to catch them by surprise.

There was some... Unpleasantness though. For those of us sensitive to these sorts of things, such as Myself and Mumbles the Mime... You could feel this... Force coming from the Command Tent. It was Redlight. It had to be Redlight. He was using Legba as a conduit to come through. Now, if he MADE it through, he could have squashed me like a bug and single handedly wiped out our entire attack force. Then there would be little hope in stopping him. BUT. If I were to get to him during the transfer process... Well. It works both ways. Just a single touch is all it would take to send my Azoth back through and into Redlight's Squishy parts, where it would RIP and TEAR and Dissolve Redlight from the inside out.

Of course. Judging by my lack of celebratory, or panicked, tone, I am sure you can guess how this turned out.

Night fell and the Pale Men marched. The Pirates opened fire, but they might as well have been using cork guns for the amount of good it did against the Children of Angels. The swords were equally useless, which is why we brought the Pale Men along in the first place. They aren't too keen on guns though. That is where WE came in. Now, as a whole, Proxies and other Cults tend to use... Small Arms. Civilian Grade weaponry. Easier to cover up, easier to move around and easier to get ahold of. But this doesn't mean we don't have access to military grade shit. A Proxy named Ares, who I will only say is a Colonel, supplied us with some VERY nice Military Grade assault weapons, armor, and explosives. Of course, I didn't bother with the armor.

So, while the Pale Men kept the Pirates busy, my Team made our way to the center of the Fort. Ran into THAT FUCKING DUMBASS NIGHTSCREAM along the way. Masquerading as a Zombie of all things. I saw it go back into where I knew Legba was. So naturally I followed.

This is where we ran into a problem. As I said last post, The Black Queen was with Legba. Now... I ran into her once before, in the Crumbling Castle, and I found out she was a Crafter. Which means I am basically a walking pile of Play-Doh to her. While in the Castle, she forced me to help her look for the Syringes, as well as do some humiliating "Dog Tricks." There was nothing stopping her from doing that again, and frankly, there is nothing I could have done to stop her. So my plan was simple. CHARGE IN. Lay ONE FUCKING FINGER on Legba and pray to Father that the Black Queen, if she is there, doesn't react in time.

She reacted in time.

Now. I am somewhat difficult to kill. NOT FOR A CRAFTER THOUGH. She was not playing around this time. My body began to literally tear itself apart... Azoth consuming Azoth, destroying my form and... Well. It was very, very unpleasant. Legba-light was right in front of me. Sitting nearly comatose as that Black PIMPLE that represents Redlight's Essence pulsated and writhed on his skull. His eyes were Amber now. I wonder if Redlight could see out of them yet... I confess though. Having those things stare at me while I MELTED was not a pleasant way to die.

I honestly think the Eyes were worse than the melting. Just because of what lurked behind them. You youngsters out there never met Redlight. You don't know what he was like. They called him the Devil for a time... And they were selling him short.

Nightscream finally went into action at this point. Practically disemboweling The Black Queen with it's Gauntlet. But before I could reshape myself and FINISH THIS ONCE AND FOR FUCKING ALL... They had a plan in place if this happened. Black Queen had a detonator for some kind of explosive attached to Legba's body. Killed him and severed the link before I could reform.

The fucking BITCH.

At that point I decided that... If I could kill Redlight right now, I would at least get some pleasure from watching The Black Queen bleed to death. And she decided to GLOAT in my face about my failure. Pfft. There is always next time. She also tried spinning me a story about, of all things, my Parents. She told me that I was wrong to be blaming people for the Years of torture and hate and pain and misery I went through. She told me they were victims as much as I was. Victims of Samael. Which makes no sense whatsoever. I only ever found out about this entire mess by random CHANCE.

I figure she was just trying to confuse me or... Desperately try to turn me against my Masters and beloved dear old Dad. Dying has a way of making people desperate, I find.

But yeah. Mission Accomplished and all that. I would say we just have to wait until the next little problem arises... But I think it already has. Give me a couple days. I need to get a confirmation on this... But we seem to have one more Redlit Cultist to deal with. This one might be... Significantly more problematic than the Glutton or Legba. Wish me Luck my DEAR Friends.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Red Sky at Morning


Things did not go Well.

Aside from the obvious problem of having no REAL idea where Legba was, we also had the problem of NOT KNOWING HOW TO FUCKING SAIL A SHIP. We are a Clown, a Luchadore, a Martial Artist, a Maniac, a Faux-Voodoo Witch Doctor, an Elvis Impersonator, a Slasher Villain, Darkhorse, a Mime, a Devilishly Handsome Walking Death Machine and Nightscream. NONE OF US HAVE EVER EVEN BEEN ON A BOAT BEFORE.

So we had to outsource some help. Captain David Jones Junior and his crew of Proxies, aboard the luxury liner and Proxy controlled Murder Ship... Actually, you know what. I am not telling you the Ship's name. Let it be a surprise for any of you who decide to take a cruise. ANYWAY. These guys specialize in catching Runners and Norms and subjecting them to Father's Glorious influence. Trapping them on the ship after they get Father's attention. Little hard for Runners to run when they are trapped on an, admittedly large, cruiser.

A Good Operation really. They are clever and capable Proxies... So I cannot really blame them for shit going wrong. The Plan was fairly simple. Luxury Cruiser sailing into where we suspect the Pirates to be... Miles out at sea. No real rescue could happen.


When they did, it was a simple matter of not getting shot while the Pirates come aboard to collect their Booty. I love Seafood. We then hijacked their boats and had the traumatized survivor tell us where home base is. An utterly inconspicuous Cargo Ship. Security was pretty lax too at first. Sailed right up and boarded and GUESS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED?


Do you know WHY? I saw the Goddamn reason. When the Pirates noticed us, Papa Legba came out. Liked the suit. Very Classy. HATED the Red Tie. Beside him was a Person in a Silver Plague Doctor Mask and Black Robe. The Black Queen again. It fucking HAD to be.

Clearly The Plague Doctor is slipping. The last time I saw The Black Queen, she was being chased down by The Plague Doctor and Magog's Oathbreakers in the HEART of the Crumbling Castle. HOW THE FUCK DID SHE ESCAPE THAT???

Things immediately went to hell. Our People on the Pirate Skiffs started riddling the place with Machinegun Fire, and I ran the fuck away from Pintel, Ragetti and their fucking DEATH SWORDS. Thank GOD we had Jones' Crew there as Meatshields. No causalities among the people that mattered, but we may need to up recruitment here in the Caribbean.

Which brings us to our current state of affairs. The last thing we did before retreating is using up the couple of RPGs that the Skiffs had laying around. I named them Final Fantasy, Dragon's Quest and Ultima. So, that floating hunk of junk is in pretty bad shape.

Now for the bad news. We left someone behind. GUESS FUCKING WHO? I don't know what happened, or WHY Nightscream got left behind, but when we started hauling ass out of there Screamer was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. If Screamer is ALIVE I am going to KILL IT when we start the Second Assault... Which, at the time I am posting this, should be an hour ago. Just to be safe.

We think they had to haul their crippled asses over to a nearby island to make repairs. We are going in heavy this time with a special surprise that had good Old Proxy Bob quaking in his boots. Even the Hallowing couldn't erase that instinctual fear. That delicious dread that only months of being stalked and hunted can cause... Ladies and Gentlemen. We are leading a force of Pale Men to massacre Legba's Pirates. I expect a glorious slaughter that should serve as a reminder for that Big Red Moron who he is dealing with. White Knives and Black Coats will be stained a deep shade of crimson tonight, and the Caribbean will be alive with the sounds of absolute agony and sheer terror. The Perfect night if you ask me. Ta-ta for now.