AVAST YE LAND LUBBERS!
Things did not go Well.
Aside from the obvious problem of having no REAL idea where Legba was, we also had the problem of NOT KNOWING HOW TO FUCKING SAIL A SHIP. We are a Clown, a Luchadore, a Martial Artist, a Maniac, a Faux-Voodoo Witch Doctor, an Elvis Impersonator, a Slasher Villain, Darkhorse, a Mime, a Devilishly Handsome Walking Death Machine and Nightscream. NONE OF US HAVE EVER EVEN BEEN ON A BOAT BEFORE.
So we had to outsource some help. Captain David Jones Junior and his crew of Proxies, aboard the luxury liner and Proxy controlled Murder Ship... Actually, you know what. I am not telling you the Ship's name. Let it be a surprise for any of you who decide to take a cruise. ANYWAY. These guys specialize in catching Runners and Norms and subjecting them to Father's Glorious influence. Trapping them on the ship after they get Father's attention. Little hard for Runners to run when they are trapped on an, admittedly large, cruiser.
A Good Operation really. They are clever and capable Proxies... So I cannot really blame them for shit going wrong. The Plan was fairly simple. Luxury Cruiser sailing into where we suspect the Pirates to be... Miles out at sea. No real rescue could happen.
BUT OF COURSE IT TOOK THEM NEARLY A GODDAMN WEEK TO TAKE THE BAIT.
When they did, it was a simple matter of not getting shot while the Pirates come aboard to collect their Booty. I love Seafood. We then hijacked their boats and had the traumatized survivor tell us where home base is. An utterly inconspicuous Cargo Ship. Security was pretty lax too at first. Sailed right up and boarded and GUESS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED?
EVERY. SINGLE. YAR HAR FIDDLE DEE DEE FUCKING PIRATE ON BOARD HAD A SWORD OF THE GROVE. A FETTERED BLADE.
Do you know WHY? I saw the Goddamn reason. When the Pirates noticed us, Papa Legba came out. Liked the suit. Very Classy. HATED the Red Tie. Beside him was a Person in a Silver Plague Doctor Mask and Black Robe. The Black Queen again. It fucking HAD to be.
Clearly The Plague Doctor is slipping. The last time I saw The Black Queen, she was being chased down by The Plague Doctor and Magog's Oathbreakers in the HEART of the Crumbling Castle. HOW THE FUCK DID SHE ESCAPE THAT???
Things immediately went to hell. Our People on the Pirate Skiffs started riddling the place with Machinegun Fire, and I ran the fuck away from Pintel, Ragetti and their fucking DEATH SWORDS. Thank GOD we had Jones' Crew there as Meatshields. No causalities among the people that mattered, but we may need to up recruitment here in the Caribbean.
Which brings us to our current state of affairs. The last thing we did before retreating is using up the couple of RPGs that the Skiffs had laying around. I named them Final Fantasy, Dragon's Quest and Ultima. So, that floating hunk of junk is in pretty bad shape.
Now for the bad news. We left someone behind. GUESS FUCKING WHO? I don't know what happened, or WHY Nightscream got left behind, but when we started hauling ass out of there Screamer was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. If Screamer is ALIVE I am going to KILL IT when we start the Second Assault... Which, at the time I am posting this, should be an hour ago. Just to be safe.
We think they had to haul their crippled asses over to a nearby island to make repairs. We are going in heavy this time with a special surprise that had good Old Proxy Bob quaking in his boots. Even the Hallowing couldn't erase that instinctual fear. That delicious dread that only months of being stalked and hunted can cause... Ladies and Gentlemen. We are leading a force of Pale Men to massacre Legba's Pirates. I expect a glorious slaughter that should serve as a reminder for that Big Red Moron who he is dealing with. White Knives and Black Coats will be stained a deep shade of crimson tonight, and the Caribbean will be alive with the sounds of absolute agony and sheer terror. The Perfect night if you ask me. Ta-ta for now.